I feel dense

 I am suddenly scared of myself 

As if I need to assemble an IKEA shelf

I am suddenly trapped between walls

Pondering whether I should order overalls

My mind is split in two ways

But in the meantime we listen to The Blaze

All I can think of is to hold you

I want your thoughts to be see-through

I am lately overwhelmed with this feeling 

That leaves me weak and kneeling

I am tired of hiding words and embraces

Lost in all of our secret places 

Something about this situation disgusts me

What naughty treats will you let me see

You seem to consume and destroy at once

And leave me feeling weak and completely dense

Maybe I will find a warm bed soon 

Where I can find respite under the full moon

Where I can look at you endlessly 

And you will forever hold me tenderly

i made a new friend

I made a new friend

Who was not so new

We used to hold one another

On the edge of Canary Wharf

On the tabletops of Soho

On the bench of Trafalgar Square

I made a new friend 

Who was not so new

And we drank to new adventures 

On the gulf of Palermo

On the beach of Pescespada

On the balcony of his room

I made a new friend

Who was not so new

We used to kiss each other

Like lovers do

On his single bed

On his floor

On -

Memories

Used to be this way

fickle feeling

Used to feel something

feeble fantasy

Somewhere there is a taste 

of my defeat

Waiting to be touched

with flacid fingers

Waiting to be ignored

with careful courage

Somewhere there is a kiss

of my memories

Waiting to be held

with passionate protest

Waiting to be stirred

with molten madness

i kissed you

It was the morning sun

large, looming

It shone through a crack in our wall

Like a slap on my cheek

It took me through my sleep with a smirk

/

I didn't hate myself then-

and on those mornings

with the sun

i kissed you

laying in the crisp sheets

/

When happiness filled you

like a whirlwind

it caught me 

and carried me

when happiness caressed your heart

i kissed you

/

but not just in a moment of bliss

but when the sky was dark

and shook in the midnight

and thunder and lightning

flashed and brightened your wide eyes

i kissed you

/

and when the clouds dispersed

and we found peace in the light of the day

When I believed in you 

and when you believed in the future

i kissed you

i always did

/

Skin my soul like an onion

Then let me exploit your eyes

Soon there'll be no words needed

And your embrace will be my clarity

he cuffs me anyway

So there. Love caught me on the staircase landing.

Moving right to left, unsure of what way Love planned to go

And I stopped. Stopped right where my heart was. Frozen in place at last

As I let Love walk on past.

So there. I next saw Love strolling through the front garden.

I watched Love passing the blossoming flowers,

And my heart stopped, lost, like those flowers, an outcast

As I let Love walk on past.

So there. Love and these thoughts mean more at night,

In the way that sunlight is felt more than it was yesterday.

Light has meaning, like that smirk, warmth, and touch felt at last

And that bed where feelings never seem to move on past.

So there. Love was the sunset at the end of another shit day.

And I saw Love directing the scene. I wanted love to stay.

But I looked at Love and Love was like a script. I was a comma, a living outcast

Just wandering and falling in the rain- still walking on past.

So there. Here I am hoping that you wouldn't leave too soon

And that we, in love, would innocently pass each other

Floating through the sky so blue

Hoping to find the bed of a Lover that we don't walk on past.

in premonition of some dark event

So here I am again ready to complain

of my thinking, hoping and pining to feel once again,

that coldness of your late night embrace.

These moments of affection I often chase.

My eyes weren’t lit by the moon that fiery night, undertone,

and I wasted as I gazed at all things known, all things unknown,

in your eyes. I watched them slowly gloss over me,

As tears burned my eyes but I tried to act carefree.

I've been obedient to some form of submission,

with you guiding my heart by the rhythm of a jazz musician,

You still make me tremble, into a certain kind of stillness,

Wheezing and shaking as I hurry through this pathetic illness.

I know that I own nothing but my blind, stupefied heart,

That causes me to still pine when I come apart,

You have all but vanished, and left but feelings now all out of season.

I could weep as I take all the blame out of all sense and reason.

I should've never given the heart. Love is not worth the thinking of

all the passion within you that just fades from kiss to kiss- puppy love

consumes me, smooth lips have caused my heart to play.

Now deaf dumb and blind with love, I won't allow myself to see this decay.